Changing the World

Have you ever asked a child "What would you do to change the world?".
We live in a world where we are constantly being reminded of small actions we can take to make a difference.  But how do we raise young people to take BIG actions and truly work to make change?

Today I was so excited to learn that an 18 year old (RP) who has worked for me for 5 years is being awarded a  Youth Community Service Award.  An annual award that is given to two teenagers a year.  Some for donating time, helping others and other feel good actions.  But RP earned her award for having written and received two grants (for a total of just under $20,000.00) for the city; planning and running events for teens in the community; running a completely youth lead community change project for two years and volunteering at positive youth development programs when ever she was needed.

Two weeks ago I was invited to sit in on a meeting with another teenager as she sat and told her principal that the school was not welcoming new students(transfers) well enough.  She continued to present a plan of how she would start a welcoming committee, host a few events and create a space for new kids to meet up for lunch and that all she needed from the school was a list of names before the summer was over.  WOW.  I love it!  She had it all thought out, could answer any question and made it impossible for them to say no. 

So where does this internal drive to make change, to take initiative come from?  And how do we support it and not squash it.  The answer is: US.   And here are a few tips for you as parents, providers and caregivers:

1. Teach children to question authority appropriately.   From a young age be willing to let children question rules and have a conversation about them.  In our programs I tell young people "You can always ask me why, as long as you do it appropriately.  That means in a normal voice, without attitude and with an open mind..."  We also tell them that  90% of rules are for safety and 10% for respect.  
2. Allow young people to process the reason.  "So Dad, I can't climb on the roof because I could get hurt if I fell but I can climb the tree in the back yard?"  Why?  Be ready!  They'll catch you every time.  It is OK as a parent or provider to say, "I am not sure how to explain why, it just doesn't feel the same.  Let me think about it and I will try to figure out how to explain the difference".
3. Encourage your child to see what you do to help others; donations,  community service, political action...  but remember that they are not you and they may have a different idea of how to get involved.
4. When you see your child interested in a topic, something on the news, that they hear people talking about or that they see... ask them "What do you think we could do about that?"  or take a moment to explain two different points of view and ask which they agree with more?
5. Look for programs like Destination Imagination or other Creative Problem Solving programs to give children the tools to think out of the box... and be supported doing it!

• Destination Imagination (DI) is awesome!  It is a competitive problem solving team tournament that has 5 different types of challenges at all age levels and requires adults to BUTT OUT.

Positive Adult Relationships

I was watching a piece on "Sunday Morning" (one of my favorite shows) this morning and heard a great quote that ties many of the 40 Assets together.

"Kids need to think you care, before they can care what you think"

 Did you know that in all of the studies of resiliency (be it abuse, drug use, a broken home, a traumatic experience or other risk factor)  there is one common factor that all survivors have?  What is it?!
 Positive adult relationships with non-parental adults.   Who was that adult you were always able to talk to?  Or who as an adult you can look back and see that they played a really important role in your life?

So how do we show kids we care?  It is easy to tell young people we care, but whether you work with young people or have a child in your life you care a great deal about...  actions speak louder than words.  Here are some suggestions based on 4 of the 40 Assets.

• Set clear boundaries and expectations.  But more importantly...  discuss why those boundaries are in place. And when you have set an expectation make sure to continue the discussion as to what the child did themselves to meet the expectation or what they could do differently to meet it. 
• Show them that you value them as a resource.  Ask their opinion and thoughts... even advice.  Asking young people what they would do in your situation often provides us with a refreshing perspective.  Give them opportunities for genuine involvement, if not the chance to lead  a project or activity or share a skill.  Finding time to let them teach you something or plan an outing can be a great opportunity.  you may be the only person that day or week to ask what they think or feel.
• Engage them in service to others.  Finding volunteer opportunities for young people with organizations can be challenging due to age requirements.  Why not take some time and ask them what issues they want to learn about or get involved in? And then work together to find a creative way to get involved.
• Help build a positive view of their future.  A three year old told me today to "always follow my dreams".  Clearly he's getting the message.

Teaching Empathy

Teaching empathy is a lesson often overlooked by parents and youth workers.  Empathy comes up quite often in my work with middle school and high school students but the root of the issue can be addressed with much younger children.

This month has seen several heart breaking stories of the "by stander effect" in the news and it keeps me coming back to the issue of teaching empathy.   Although many people believe empathy is an innate trait it is truly a learned emotion.
http://ac360.blogs.cnn.com/2010/04/26/understanding-the-bystander-effect

So for parents and youth workers alike, here are some great tips for fostering empathy.

Use every day situations to ask questions
When a situation occurs that your child shares with you or that you witness together...

• How would that situation have made you feel?
• Can you imagine what that felt like for that person?
• What would you have wanted some one to say or do if that had been you?

Teach acceptance of others
Teaching children to accept any difference in other people builds the foundation  for caring about people no matter how different they might seem or appear.   When children point out differences between people (as they so often do) acknowledge  it and continue the conversation.  Encouraging a child to continue the conversation by guiding it to what they might have in common is one approach.  With older children, encourage them to think about how someone may view them as different and what that means to them.

Be mindful of asking questions so that children form their own answers and develop a more personal understanding.

Here is an excellent site on teaching empathy.  Check it out!  
http://www.parentingscience.com/teaching-empathy-tips.html

What is Positive Youth Development?

Based on the literature, the Interagency Working Group on Youth Programs, a collaboration of twelve federal departments and agencies that support youth, has created a definition of positive youth development:

Positive youth development is an intentional, pro-social approach that engages youth within their communities, schools, organizations, peer groups, and families in a manner that is productive and constructive; recognizes, utilizes, and enhances youths' strengths; and promotes positive outcomes for young people by providing opportunities, fostering positive relationships, and furnishing the support needed to build on their leadership strengths.
Strategies employed as part of positive youth development can also be used to prevent, address, and protect against risky behaviors.

What Are Key Principles of Positive Youth Development?

When connecting youth to positive experiences, principles that programs should keep in mind include the following:

• Positive youth development is an intentional process. Positive youth development is about being proactive to promote protective factors in young people.
• Positive youth development complements efforts to prevent risky behaviors and attitudes in youth. Positive youth development also complements efforts that work to address negative behaviors.
• Youth assets are both acknowledged and employed through positive youth development. All youth have the capacity for positive growth and development.
• Positive youth development enables youth to thrive and flourish in their teen years, and prepares them for a healthy, happy and safe adulthood.
• Positive youth development involves youth as active agents. Adults may set the structure, but youth are not just the recipients of services. Youth are valued and are encouraged to bring their assets to the table. Adults and youth work in partnership.
• Youth leadership development is a part of positive youth development, but youth aren't required to lead. Youth can attend, actively participate, contribute, or lead through positive youth development activities.
• Positive youth development involves civic involvement and civic engagement — youth contribute through service to their communities.
• Positive youth development involves and engages every element of the community — schools, homes, community members, and others. Young people are valued through this process. Positive youth development is an investment that the community makes in young people. Youth and adults work together to frame the solutions.

Posted from Find Youth Info;  http://www.findyouthinfo.gov/topic_pyd_overview.shtml

An Introduction from EYD

For five years I have had the pleasure of working within a city to strengthen the community's ability to support the positive development of young people from infancy through the teenage years.  I was fortunate to be introduced to the 40 Developmental Assets as studied by the Search Institute early in my work in Newburyport, MA.  The research of the 40 Assets has provided me a framework that combines my philosophy of empowering young people in their own communities with focusing on the protective factors that all teens need to help them make the best choices possible in the long run.

I have decided to begin to share the successes that I have had, the lessons learned and the new ideas we have with the larger community.  It is my hope that this blog will be a platform for me to share ideas with others in the youth development field as well as parents, educators and youth leaders.